Episode 2:Suffering in Silence

In this episode, I dive into a conversation that is deeply personal and incredibly important: why so many men suffer in silence and why so many feel completely alone, even when they're surrounded by people.

We explore the patterns many men inherit from previous generations, the pressure to "man up," the fear of vulnerability, and what happens when men finally find the courage to speak up but don't feel heard, understood, or supported.

Inside this episode, we talk about:
• Why men often struggle to express what they're feeling
• The connection between emotional isolation and mental health
• How anger is sometimes a mask for deeper pain
• Why so many men retreat back into silence after trying to open up
• The importance of brotherhood, connection, and healthy support systems
• Creating spaces where men can be honest without judgment
• The pattern that keeps many men trapped and how to begin interrupting it

This conversation isn't about blame.

It's about understanding the reality many men experience, creating more awareness, and encouraging deeper conversations that could change — or even save — lives.

If you've ever felt misunderstood, disconnected, alone, or like nobody truly sees what you're carrying, this episode is for you.

You are not alone.

— Steve Bliznicenko

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www.stevebliznicenko.com

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Alright, so let's record the second episode here. On this episode, I want to talk about something that is so near and dear to my heart and you know just what us brothers experience. And for my brothers out there that listen to this podcast, I hope this really lands for you. And for any ladies who listen to this podcast, I hope that maybe you learn something a little bit more about us men. So this topic is gonna be about suffering in silence and why so many of us men feel alone. And part of that comes from society, right? Like if you go back in time, you go back in history, everybody has that grandfather or even dad, I think, as a male, and the narrative was that you know, suck it up, don't be a pussy, don't be a wuss. And often, in many senses, it it got got passed down to us. Because if you think about the world wars and the things that our grandfathers had to go through and just how hard life was, in a sense, that there was no time to talk about feelings and emotions and to burden the family with that. Like you just you just worked and you just got it done and you just buried everything that you were experiencing, but with that became a lot of unemotional available people, especially us males. And it's it's it's not a uh a problem in a sense back then, but it is a problem now, because now we've got to a point where we are required to have a higher level of consciousness and to have more of a connection and have more of closeness with individuals when it comes to our emotions. And we're losing far too many brothers these days because they simply feel like they can't speak up, that they have nobody to reach out to, that they have no one to talk to, or they feel like they're gonna be ridiculed for it. And the saddest thing is this is the this is the thing that really I think a lot of people need to understand is that I think most men, I think most men have made attempts, made attempts at reaching out, have made attempts at being vulnerable, have made attempts at having conversations, sharing their feelings, and the responses that they received from other people, depending on if that was maybe a friend, it was a spouse, maybe it was a sister, brother, mom, dad, whatever it was, was that your feelings didn't matter, that you were being too much, that you were not being a man. So when that's the feedback, when you finally work up the courage as a man to come out of your shell, to come out of the man cave, as many people hate us men being in, especially the ladies, they hate us being in the man cave. But when we attempt to initiate conversation about something that's bothering us, something that you know is is is a pain point for us. And though us men, I can always honestly say that most of us, maybe us men in many aspects, we don't deliver that information in the best way because that underlying subconscious pattern of thinking that it is weak for us to have that conversation, it's weak for us to share what we're feeling. So sometimes when we deliver that, it might be aggressive, sometimes it might even be angry. But I think a lot of people need to understand is that an angry man sometimes is just a very depressed or very um emotionally hurt individual. And they they have to deliver that message with aggression or with anger, if you will. They have to deliver, and though it's not right, you know, obviously there's there there's the extreme to that. Like nobody should yell and scream and abuse another individual, and certainly should never be physical or anything like that. But sometimes we might raise our voice because that's the only way we feel like we can be heard, but also protect ourselves from feeling weak. Because a man's response is sometimes anger, it's like a testosterone gets released, and we're still like in our power delivering that message, even though it might not be received very well from the people around us. And so oftentimes I think a narrative that also can change is that sometimes the if it's healthy anger, and in a certain aspect it is, is that sometimes a man just being you know higher toned or aggressive in nature, it's a cry to I need you to hear me, I need you to understand me. And if somebody can receive that and say, hey, you know, maybe it's like, hey, don't talk to me like that, and we can find some common ground there, sure. There's those situations. But where I'm going with this is that it's simply that most men have tried to speak up. I guarantee there's no way to know, but I guarantee that most of those men that have taken their own life have tried, have tried to have a conversation, have tried to express themselves, have tried to be heard, be seen, and often, often the people that are so sad about losing those people were never fucking there in the first place. We're never there to listen. And I and I don't mean that in any disrespect, but I know that most men struggle with having a conversation. And you can be the most loving person on the other end to receive that information, but if you don't hear them, you don't see them, you get defensive, um, you your ego kicks in, and you don't validate their emotions, you don't validate their feelings. That's where most of us brothers get lost. That's maybe some of our intimate relationships, but even in our brotherhoods and our friendships, is that I think a lot of us men need to take full responsibility for the fact that we need to find better circles of friends. We, if we want to have somebody there for us, it it's not gonna be the guy that we go drinking with every Friday and just watch sports with on the TV. Oftentimes that person is never gonna be able to have a conversation with us on a deeper level. And we need to be encouraged as males to have more deeper conversations. And I think we we hurt so many people as males because we have such an inability to be able to express our feelings and we don't express it in the most healthy way, and I think so many males are are learning for the first time in many aspects of human history to be vulnerable and to share real feelings, like to say something like, I'm sad, I'm anxious, I feel this way, rather than burying it and just shoving it under a rug and just marching on, right? It's new territory for us, and whether that's gonna come from brotherhood that helps with that, a barrier to be able to speak more, or if that comes from the the people that we love in our life, you know, it it I think it takes an incredible woman in our intimate relationships. I think it comes from a place of where we we need an in a very, very, you know, strong woman and understanding woman sometimes that we might not deliver that message in the right way. But if we're coming to you to speak, we need to be heard. And we also need your feedback to say that, hey, I hear where you're coming from, I see you, but maybe you could deliver it in this way that doesn't freak me out, that doesn't make me scared, that doesn't trigger me as well. And I think there's a balance there, there's something harmonious, and I think personally, I think that that's what's affecting so many relationships is that women want emotionally available men, and then emotionally available men haven't been able to really express themselves, so it's very much a skill that so many males are are trying to learn and trying to figure out that the delivery and how we go about that isn't necessarily the best way. Um and I think there's just there's an overall personal growth level that needs to be there, and so for the pattern, this is called pattern interrupt, right? So the pattern for us males that we need to learn is a it's okay to not be okay, and b, it's okay to express that you're not okay. It's fine, it's okay to say things like you're sad, it's okay to reach out to a friend and say, I need some help, I need some help. I know I'm a brother. Any man that listens to this podcast and feels like they have nobody, if you reached out to me and it wasn't just like, hey man, how's it going? What are you doing? And all that, all the surface level shit, if you're like, I need a brother, I need to have a conversation with another man right now. I need somebody in my life because I'm struggling with X, and I just need to be seen, and I just didn't need to be heard, and I just need need a brother there for me, I got your fucking back. I'll always be there for you. I'll always listen. I'll always have a conversation with you. I'll give you my perspective if you want to hear it. I'll help you with that journey if that's what you need. That's the kind of brother that I am because I would never want to lose a brother because he simply didn't feel heard, seen, or validated. Because I can help you do that or accomplish that, however, you want to look at that. But that's the thing is that so many men can feel alone, feel alone in their own household, feel alone at work, feel alone at home when they go back to visit family, things like that, because it's like nobody understands them, they're unable to express themselves. So many of the happiest men in the world are also the ones that are struggling the most, right? And uh I think the whole narrative has got to shift around that. At the end of the day, at the end of the day, everybody needs to be seen and everybody needs to be heard, and there needs to be that balance and communication amongst everybody. You know, uh everybody that's important in your life needs to be people that are placed at your table that you know you can have a conversation with. Sometimes those people need to be swapped out, sometimes those people need to be let go. Sometimes you need to go through the pain of allowing other people to leave because they just don't serve your higher purpose. They're not people you can speak to. And that gets hard because sometimes you've been in relationships with friends, especially for a really long time. We often have brothers that we've graduated with and we've been friends with them for 10, 15, 20 years, and sometimes it's hard to let those things go, but ultimately we need to choose better environments for ourselves. However, at the same time, we need to have the courage to continually try to reach out. I'm somebody that can tell you that I feel alone often in life. I feel like the reason why I'm doing what I'm doing is because I don't want another brother to ever feel like how I feel. I'm I think I'm very emotionally intelligent. I think I'm very much somebody that tries to initiate conversation, to try to have conversations, to always try to go beneath the surface, to have deeper level conversations with the people closest to me. And I don't know if I've ever really found a lot of people that can, you know, have those things with me. I have some close friends, I'm in a relationship, but I can often feel alone. I can often feel alone because coming out of this space of wanting to communicate with people and trying to be emotionally available, it's like you express yourself and any kind of any kind of feedback if it's not received well and you're given defensiveness or like it's like you're the problem. It's like us men are so fast to just run back to our cave and be like, Alright, well, fucking tried that. That didn't work. Why would I ever speak up again? Right? And that's where we got to do a lot of work. It it takes a collective consciousness to really change this narrative around what we're doing and what we need to accomplish as a society, I think. And we need to be able to have spaces where we can all have open, honest, vulnerable communication. That's not just, hey, how you doing, how is work, all the fucking mundane bullshit. It's like we need to share our feelings. We all, all of us, male or female, have thought processes in our head. We have feelings, we have emotions that we should be able to share with another individual that we can feel safe doing so with. That they're not gonna judge us, that they're not gonna get defensive with that information, that they're not gonna make you feel less than you already do by having the conversation. Because nobody has a conversation with somebody that's when you're feeling great, in a sense, right? Like if you come to somebody and saying, hey, I I'm struggling right now and I have a problem and I'm stuck up here, and I feel XYZ, and anybody that receives that information makes you feel any less than you already do, and that's the feedback that you get. Why the fuck would you want to ever speak again? And I think that's where men get so stuck and so lost is that they've tried, they've tried to have those conversations, they've tried to reach out to people, and it hasn't been received well, so it's so quick to just fall back into the pattern. The pattern is, ooh, that was scary. I I'm supposed to talk, and I talked, and then oh, that wasn't received well. Well, fuck, I guess I'm never talking again. So you like boom, right back into the pattern. You know, the information you received was that sharing was scary, sharing was judgment, sharing was you're the problem, sharing was that you're inadequate, sharing was that you're too much, sharing was that your feelings don't matter. And so why would you ever want to speak up again? All I can say is I've uh I know what that nightmare looks like. I know what it's like to be somebody who just wants to connect with other people on a deeper level. I know what it's like to feel misunderstood. I know what it's like to never feel like anybody's there for you, that nobody's ever got your back. It's a sad place to be sometimes. And in personal growth, we gotta be responsible for how we feel. We gotta be responsible for our our own emotions, our own thoughts, and everything that goes with that. But it becomes challenging when you feel like you're alone. It does. It becomes very, very challenging to feel like nobody's got your back. That everybody's either left you or um thought you were you know, that they just misunderstood you, and and no matter how loving or how much you try to communicate with people, it just always isn't received well. And for every brother who's in that space, for every brother who just feels stuck, feels lost, feels like you have nobody, I feel you. I know what that feels like, I know what that looks like, I know how exhausting it is, I know when you have the weight of the world around you all the time, and then you just you just feel like you're completely alone in the process. That everybody's too busy, that you're it's almost like you're a stranger in your own house sometimes, that it's like you don't even matter, that you could just disappear and nobody would even know. Like I get that. I know that that's what so many of us men feel. I know what that so many of us men experience. And I think that most of us men that decide to go down a personal development journey decided to start doing it because we wanted to feel more than what we were feeling. We want that grander life, but really we just want to be with somebody that understands us. One person, one brother, one anything. And luckily I I've found some of those people in my life. But I I I know that there was a time period in my life where I didn't have a couple close bros. I I didn't have that. I was alone in all of it. Trying to navigate this thing called life completely solo. And sometimes that's the pattern, is that we still feel that way, even though it might not be true. And I just want to say that I love you, man. I love every brother that listens to this. Um if you want any help, any help navigating, being able to be somebody that shares more and is vulnerable and open and honest, I have that space available for you. Whether you want to do coaching and and work on some deeper seated things that are creating that narrative, or you just want to have somebody you can talk to, somebody that you can reach out to, somebody that's a brother you've never had before, that'll say something like, Hey man, I love you. Because I tell people I love them. I'm s I'm the hugger. And you know, it's funny, it's like even things like that. Like I'm somebody that's like the fist bump guy, I I I try to hug people all the time, say nice things. It's funny how people negatively receive that sometimes. Um, and you're just like, Man, how's a fucking hug something that people won't accept? But then like they make you feel like shit because you're trying to be loving and give them a hug, you know, whether that's a stranger or whatever. Like, this world needs to be more accepting of positive energy and love and appreciation and a kind word and a hug, and somebody saying I love you and I appreciate you. Like that whole narrative has to change in this world. So I hope you enjoy this podcast and thank you so much for your time. Um, let's all learn to love each other a little bit better. That's what I'm gonna leave it at. Take care. See you on the next episode.